Tag Archive

Jay and Lori talk about the typical time it takes for an addict to readjust sources of dopamine, as well as why it can take longer… or shorter.

Timestamps
0:00 Intro & Question

0:18 What the experts say

0:36 Solution: What helps it end overnight

1:13 When you should go longer

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https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this short video, we answer to the question, “Do all strugglers relapse” as well as the top two things partners can do if the addict keeps relapsing. We’ll also share one of the first things addicts have to do in order to overcome porn.

Timestamps
0:00 Introduction and first question

0:21 The first thing a guy has to do to quit porn

0:37 Top 2 things a partner can do (and do they work?)

1:24 Are our breathing techniques posted online (and why)

2:11 What we do with our clients

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Join Jay and Lori Pyatt from The Couple Cure as they tackle two questions about screen addiction and boundaries for devices. In this short video, they discuss image addictions, strategies for effective accountability, and appropriate boundaries—including boundaries Jay holds himself to—as well as practical advice to help you navigate this challenging issue. Tune in to learn more about creating a balanced, tech-conscious home.

Struggling with tips that don’t help you HEAL? Maybe God has a unique plan for you, one that is key for long-lasting and UNBREAKABLE FREEDOM and JOY. Learn why your journey is different… and why that’s to your greatest ADVANTAGE. Watch to reveal this EXTRA-ordinary path.

Timestamps:
0:00 Welcome! Let’s get moving…

0:47 Solution: A proven strategy for Trauma Healing

0:59 Exploring the backstory (fun, deep and CREEPY)

3:45 The first answer revealed (how to live)

4:35 The Ultimate Answer revealed & The FIRST PATH

5:44 The SECOND PATH: Going for it

9:43 What sparks it? Understanding the trigger

10:51 Faster Relief (from my journey to 4 key lessons)

12:35 Can you relate? How to move forward

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#betrayaltrauma
#betrayalrecovery
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

This video offers a compassionate and practical approach to navigating an addicts relapse and lack of remorse, providing you with ways to foster healthier relationships. Join in and discover what JV does to find strength and resilience in the face of adversity.

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro & Question
1:33 Main Answer Explained
2:55 First steps
3:25 When intuition suggests success
4:10 Rejecting this… (if he won’t talk to you)
4:57 A needed type of physical touch
5:37 Steps for your toughest questions
5:57 Do this with your love… (outside the dynamic)
6:27 Expanding your world
6:56 Her most important move (extremely well, despite him)
7:35 When you feel distant from God…
8:06 Motivating positive change (this isolation)
9:28 Sparking change in addicts (it doesn’t have to mean…)
11:16 Increase this healthy action
11:40 More intimacy for a s-x addict?
12:23 An alternative for lasting peace

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

If someone in your life says THEY CAN’T HELP HOW THEY ACT in relationship because of what happened to them in the past, we cover one way to tell, and offer a few solutions.
Note: while this video is in response to someone’s question about their husband [after a CSAT said ‘disclosure would be a waste of time,’] the concepts can be used in your other relationships as well.

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:07 Question: Disclosure a WASTE OF TIME due to…? (“EMOTIONAL INVALID”)
0:55 I explain EMPATHY Daily / I carry the load
1:15 Answer on having to explain EMPATHY
1:42 Solution: If counselor says DISCLOSURE is a waste of time
2:05 Solution: HOW TO KNOW if his past trauma halts your healing
3:00 Jay used past trauma to deflect (EMOTIONAL HIJACKING)
3:24 The more he feels REAL FEELINGS…
3:54 Answer regarding If he does have childhood trauma
4:31 Solution & THE KEY SIGN for Lori

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Ever wonder if your relationship has (or if your relationships have) healed from the trauma you’ve experienced?

*Note that, while this video mainly talks about marital relationships, the concepts APPLY TO YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS as well. If a well-meaning but uninformed friend, family member, counselor or church didn’t understand what you were going through, we’ll share some signs to know it might be safe to trust the relationship again.*

While this video is not a definitive list, it covers 15 signs we noticed in our own marriage, as well as things our clients exhibit as trust is rebuilt.

Timestamps:
0:00 Introduction & Disclaimer
0:40 (1) This thinking changes
2:07 (2) “I’m gonna do this no matter what!”
2:54 (3) Accepting he is an addict (and what Lori used to think)
4:20 (4) Allies
5:01 (5) When he appreciates…
5:46 (6) Triggers
7:21 (7) Treating you as an equal, not as…
8:28 (8) His engagement in the relationship (not abdication, but also not…)
9:45 When Jay elbowed his way into our spiritual life together
10:08 Solution: Guys do this to help her heal
10:32 (9) Taking your feedback
11:24 (10) An early sign the relationship is healing—and the ‘her pain’ word picture that makes Lori cry
13:56 (11) When bad conversations are rare because of this…
15:32 (12) Recovering after bad conversations
16:12 (13) Peace, here
16:37 (14) He burned your life down, but…
17:27 (15) The ultimate thing that can give you peace in your relationship

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

***Disclaimer: You may have signs of healing that are not on this list. This list is not definitive; it’s just what we have seen in our work with betrayed partners of porn addicts / sex addicts.***

Ever wonder if you’ll know when you’ve healed from the trauma you’ve experienced? This video covers many signs Lori noticed in her own life, and that our clients exhibit as they recover as well.

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro and *Disclaimer* (and what to expect)
1:04 1-Your creativity will…
3:05 2-Techniques that work for you
3:35 3-Playing again
4:36 4-Regarding the brain fog
5:22 5-Problems with computers/phones
6:43 6-Regarding your household tasks
7:31 7-When you sleep at night
8:35 One thing that increases brain fog
9:05 8-You and Grace
10:01 9-When you say, “I matter”
10:39 10-Happiness or manic-ness (I used to fake it)
11:21 11-The smaller joys
12:33 12-Your triggers
12:44 13-New experiences (a client story)
13:53 Your triggers, revisted
16:01 14-Things that concerned you before…
16:31 15-Getting excited about… (and our cat, Morgan)

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Sometimes addicts answer with “I don’t know” to questions like, “when did it start?” “how often?” and “did you ever see ___?” And his not knowing can leave the betrayed partner feeling very skeptical. Is it possibly he really doesn’t remember? This video dives into that question.

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:07 Question: Do porn addicts really not remember some specifics?
0:23 What one CSAT said (it IS possible)
1:21 Jay’s memories
1:44 When betrayed partners have to ask just the right question (openness)
2:37 One caution to porn/sex addicts

—

https://thecouplecure.com – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Join us as we tackle what recovering addicts need to watch out for on the journey to sobriety. We’ll give practical tips for those in recovery such as avoiding triggers, the “why” behind choosing sobriety, as well as why YOUR PARTNER IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. Because we include a couple of solutions (including an easy way to see if you’re edging) this video can help you increase your self-awareness and decrease your dependency, and also support your wife’s healing.

Oh, and here is the link to the video we reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBrVb9T4Bxk)

Timestamps
0:00 Intro
0:53 1-Sobriety does not heal relationships if… (& re-sensitization)
4:11 2-Visual Sips / Solution: One second=look. Two seconds= …
5:10 Solution: One easy way to see if you might be edging
6:47 3-Doing this for someone else / then they “become the problem” to you
8:01 4-“But no one can get free of this!” / when the little blue pill didn’t work
9:25 5-Groups where the leader isn’t free / “I’m gonna stumble eventually”
11:17 6-Wanting her to celebrate right away / why she’s still leery
13:10 7-Two SIGNS you might be on the slippery slope
15:11 8-My wife can’t give me that level of… / how Jay answers that now
18:03 9-She should never be an ‘enemy’ to you / when she’s treated as your equal
19:44 Solution: Feel she is your enemy? / she helps with a goal of yours
21:46 10-Impatience might be a sign that… / Solution: one of the first things you can do

—

https://thecouplecure.com – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

What should you do if the addict keeps relapsing/betraying you–especially if your friends keep telling you to leave? Should you divorce? Should you stay? Can life get any better if he keeps relapsing and lying? We talk about this, while giving you 3 things to try.

0:00 Intro
0:07 Question: My friends say I should leave my husband because he keeps relapsing–what do you think?
0:26 Lori’s thoughts (what she told one friend)
0:48 You can stay and have a really good life
1:01 Solution 1: God / Viewing the relationship differently
2:50 Narcotics Anonymous says it this way
3:34 Relapse is not inevitable if…
3:54 Solution 2: What makes recovery easier
4:23 Solution 3: “Give back” to your wife versus to a group (and why)
4:58 What Jay used to say about his relationship with God

—

https://thecouplecure.com – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In our work, we have seen some husband’s who have lied about their wives to the helping community–lying to pastors, counselors, family and friends–about her. Or the husband will diagnose her with a mental disorder of some sort. We address that topic, as well as what a partner can do, in this situation.

0:00 Intro & Question
0:34 When the husband thinks, “My apology should be enough!”
0:50 One early professional opinion
1:13 Solution for partners (and what the addict can do)
2:16 The main goal of his helping community
2:47 A probable truth about your husband
3:07 Solution: One thing you can say to your husband
3:43 Solution: Another thing you can say

—

https://thecouplecure.com – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

There are many things I wish I had known right after D-Day… things that would have helped me recover more quickly. In this video, I cover several of them, and Jay gives extra input from the addict-who’s-found-sobriety point of view. (Please note: We do not condone hitting your spouse. If this is happening, please reach out to your local shelters/authorities.)

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:23 Coming down hard on yourself regarding boundaries
0:55 I’m in!!! I’m out!!! (what many guys do with this and one Solution)
2:46 Solution: How to find safe people & safe counselors
5:05 One way to keep from being blinded: Change your job description (Guys, nurse her back to health)
8:16 Solution to “falling for lines”
9:53 One clear sign Jay was taking his addiction recovery seriously
10:22 Solution to “You’re being too sensitive!”
11:16 Getting back at him / betraying yourself
12:58 Some addicts think, “It’s a license to keep acting out”

—

https://thecouplecure.com – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Can an addict get sober without a lot of outside help? While it can happen, this video dives deeper into this question. We’ll also cover some basics about what addiction recovery looks like.

0:00 Intro
0:07 Question: Is it possible for my husband to be 90% recovered if he’s never been assessed and hasn’t done much recovery work?
0:30 Has he become a new kind of addict (and how long recovery can take)
1:24 A Basic definition of recovery (and white-knuckling)
1:44 The guys who sober up quickly
2:14 The bigger work of recovery

—

https://thecouplecure.com – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Have you ever brought up how someone’s actions caused you pain–only to have them go to shame or depression? What can a woman do in that situation? That is the question covered in this video.

0:00 Intro
0:07 Question: I can’t bring up my pain or things I need to recover or he goes to shame/depression–so what can I do?
0:31 A real disorder or emotional extortion?
0:58 Solution: one way to tell which it is
1:17 If it is a severe depression (or somewhere in the middle)
1:55 If he doesn’t read
2:20 Jay’s answer (the man might be repulsed by himself)
3:30 The value of working in groups
3:27 Solution: two things you can tell the addict

—

https://thecouplecure.com – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice