He Doesn’t Understand My Pain (3 invalidations) – 4.11S

Disagreements can lead to 3 types of invalidation, as well as 1 unique way invalidation erodes trust–especially when she feels he doesn’t understand her pain. We discuss this with Matt Fray, as well as a couple things the guy can do instead.

One Quick Way to Restore Trust (she can’t heal unless…) – 4.10S

Why is validation one quick way to heal trust? Because without it she will have a difficult time healing within the relationship. This video covers that concept, as well as why sexual affairs may be easier than emotional affairs. (Jay and I also talk about the guys we have a difficult time helping.)

What Makes Men “Get It”? (if an affair is the goal) – 4.09S

What’s the first thing a guy should do if he’s harmed the relationship, and what can make him “get it” more quickly? Also what can the lady do if his goal is to have an affair? We discuss those topics with author Matt Fray.

Are Emotional Affairs Actually Affairs? (it’s not difficult) – 4.08S

Unfortunate ideas can get twisted in a person’s mind, leading them to have affairs; ideas like, “But if my wife were the right person…” We discuss this with author Matt Fray, and we also cover the question: Are emotional affairs truly affairs–and what can make it all less difficult?

Can Lying Actually Cause PTSD? (needs addicts focus on) – 4.07S

Can porn use and lies lead to PTSD? And what can be done when someone says, “Why won’t you lighten up?” We cover those topics in our continued talk with author, Matt Fray.

She’s Not Meeting My Needs! (is safety actually a need?) – 4.06S

Are her needs more important than his? No, but as you’ll see in this video, his most important needs are usually already met. Our female clients can’t say the same, and this reduces feelings of safety. But is safety actually a need?

He HAS to Give Up Old Tools (Step 6) – 3.06S

Porn addiction, betrayal and lies can wreck a couple. An addict has to be ready to release his old coping mechanisms. Jay and Lori also cover their experience with addiction and fear, as well as what surrender looks like. They also address the difference between Savior and Boss.

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro & Step 6 (Preparing for this…)
1:55 “Being entirely ready” means getting rid of ‘tools’ that help only me
3:08 Jesus appears to ask a stupid question but it applies to addicts***
4:52 But those tools have been effective in these ways…
5:18 Why it’s challenging (and how it’s played out in Jay’s life)

He HAS to Admit It (Betrayal Pain and Step 5 Cautions) – 3.05S

This Step is about addicts not lying to themselves anymore—and not hiding the truth about themselves anymore. It’s about getting real, and why.

In this episode we cover:
-Step 5 of the 12-Steps
-How Jay switched harmful addictions
-How there are different layers to addiction and lust…

He HAS to be Fearless (Betrayal Pain & Step 4 Cautions) – 3.04S

Withholding information (also known as lying) is common, especially with porn and sex addiction. That’s why this step is crucial to…

Restoring Sanity (12-Step cautions for betrayal pain) – 3.02S

The addict’s ways are a type of insanity, and in order to get better, he has to depend on a Power greater than himself to restore him to sanity.  A wife need him to do this, but even if he doesn’t, she can still be RESTORED!

This episode covers:
-Step 2 of the 12 Steps of Addiction Recovery
-Believing in a Power greater than ourselves
-The root of

Addiction Recovery & Betrayal Trauma: Step 1 (His Powerlessness)

While our relationships may become unsustainable as betrayed wives, this episode shares tips for our partner’s recovery, what powerlessness is and isn’t, as well as how his addiction destroys trust.  

Here’s a summary:
-Step 1 of the 12 Steps
-How it reflects the steps toward God
-What heals more quickly

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:34 What this season is based on
2:04 Step 1’s key phrases
2:27 What Jay sees with the guys he works with
3:02 A different perspective on our powerlessness
3:57 The difficulty Jay had with this step

Betrayal Trauma: Season 2 Recap (& “Me Being Stupid” : ) – 2.18S

Hello Ladies,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on this website, and for that I apologize.  I’ve continued writing, and mentoring and leading groups, and those activities on top of the horrible events of last year kept me from making it out here like I wanted.

(For an update as well as a behind the scenes look into our life, check out Episode 3.0 where we talk about what happened to us in 2020.)

This post is all about the true end goal of recovery:  JOY.

So I hope you enjoy the blooper reel, which is what I call “basically, me being stupid”  : )