Will He Ever Change? (Tenacious Energy for Growth)

Wives and girlfriends of porn users ask, “Will he ever change?”

It took a while after my husband’s last confession for the dust to settle, but even so, I believed it was possible: “We can do this! We can finally create a good marriage!”

Many, many fruitless attempts later, I saw the truth: that kind of marriage was difficult to create.  As time wore on (with little improvement), I tried to remain hopeful, but it was during one of the low points when people I trusted said, “People don’t really change, you know.”

Those words echoed in my ears, haunting me: “People don’t really change.”

Soon after, I almost picked up the phone to call a lawyer. Instead I dialed our marriage counselor and went in to see him.

I was at my wit’s end, in tremendous pain, and gasping for air when he said:

“People with a tenacious energy for growth, they change!  They grow!”

Those words gave me hope. The more I thought about it on the drive home, the more those words proved true. People who were wired to change, did change. It took persistent (sometimes tenacious) effort, but they were able to change their circumstances.

It happened all the time.

Now when I look around, I’m more aware when men do this. My husband is now one of them, and I personally know many other men who are striving for better lives and relationships.

So don’t give up hope because, if your guy has this tenacious energy for growth, he can change.

He will make sure of it.


Look at your guy’s life as if you were someone who’s seen him grow up over the years.  Has he made any major life changes?  Is he self-motivated to improve in any area of life?  Does he see projects through?  Is he passionate about anything?

And if the answer to all those questions is “No”: Does he respond well when you request change from him?  Does he want to perform well for anyone in his life?

The answers to these will help you know how tenacious he may be about quitting porn… of if he can become motivated to do so.