I Could Use Your Input

(You can find an update on my decision at the bottom of this article.)

As you may know, my husband and I started a podcast for “marriages in general,” but some of the episodes could trigger betrayed spouses.  (Some might not get this, but Jay and I have been told that the way we’ve been interacting after our healing was painful for them to witness, and I don’t want to risk that with you ladies.  I’ve heard this about other couples on summits as well–that the contrast between the healed couples and the listener’s current state caused more pain for the listener.)

So I need your input on how to notate the episodes that are safe for betrayed spouses.

I’ve been wracking my brain to figure this out, and here’s what I’ve come up with:

Star – Putting a ” * ” at the front of the episode description or at the end of the title, so you can easily see it, but this can cause confusion, as in “Does a star mean it might trigger me or does it mean it’s safe to listen to?”

Safe – Putting “(Safe)” at the front of the episode description or at the end of the Title, so you can easily see it, but it might cause outsiders to ask questions, as in “What does safe mean?

Safe for Betrayed – Putting “(Safe for Betrayed)” at the end of the episode’s description, but if the description is wordy, I think a button would need to be pushed to see that notation.

NSFB-Since NSFW is widely understood (as “Not Safe for Work”), I could put a NSFB (“Not Safe for Betrayed”) notation at the front of the description or in the title, but again, this could lead to a lot of questions about what that means.

Above – I could explain any of this in the overall podcast description at the very top of the podcasting page, but I’m not sure how many read those fully.

Music – Having the safe ones start with different music, but this can cause confusion too.

Blog – Listing ONLY the safe ones on my blog, but betrayed women would see all the episodes–safe and unsafe–on iTunes, etc.

For now, I’m leaning toward a “(Safe)” notation somewhere in the description, but I am open to suggestions, which is where you come in.

What ideas do you have?  Or which of the above would you prefer?  Feel free to answer in the comments below.


After weighing the options and input given in the comments and through email here’s what I’ve decided:

If an episode is safe for the betrayed, it will have “(S)” after the episode number.  There will also be a description of what this notation means in the description box.

Even so, please listen to your gut instincts and stop listening if any episode begins to feel uncomfortable.

Thank you all for your input.  It really helped to know what would be most useful to you.

Comments 12

  1. I understand that sometimes the “playfulness” or simply observing the joyful dynamic between couples can be sad to watch when you once had it, but don’t now. But sometimes it’s encouraging. When I get triggered by anything I’m watching or listening to, I simply turn it off. But my recommendation would be to keep the podcast description short enough to deter ignoring it, then post a caution such as:

    Note to Betrayed Spouses: As always, if you find yourself being triggered by anything in this podcast, please stop listening and practice good self-care.

    IMHO, anything short could be open to interpretation/misunderstanding.

    1. Post
  2. I do read them all. But the simple idea would be to put , “safe for betrayed” or “unsafe for betrayed”. At the beginning.

    1. Post
  3. I think “Safe” is clear as you can get. And, feel free to write the description above, as you mentioned, for those searching for ” What does that mean?”

    I miss you. We are good. Thank you for all you have done! djbquilt

    1. Post

      Hey djbquilt, It’s good seeing your name out here. I miss you too! I’ve been wanting to call you to touch base, but I’m making myself wait until after Jay and your husband are finished working together. Sound good? (Glad to hear you are doing well : )

  4. Thank you for being so sensitive to this! Anything that would alert that the contents might trigger will be helpful. I had to quit an online women’s support group because things that were shared put me in such a low state and were definitely triggers. Of course every day living in the same small town as my spouse’s affair partner triggers me in a weekly basis. I try to avoid triggers as much as possible because no one else is going to take care of me.

    1. Post

      Thank you for your input, btw55. I am glad to know I’m not being too overly-cautious on this. You sharing your story is helpful. (And I am so sorry you’re having to live in the same small town as your spouse’s affair partner. That would be difficult–very difficult!)

  5. Lori, how thoughtful of you to lean in to others input on this, thank you for the privilege to share our opinion. First off, I think in general whatever you choose will be helpful bc just the fact you’re making this note is a blessing. Specifically I’ll comment below on what would be clearest and or most helpful to me.
    I like the idea of an asterisk (or star) at the beginning of the title (with an explanation below) bc I think that’s a very widely used notation that is universally understandable.
    I think the word (safe) could lead to some questions so I think putting the words (potential trigger) might be more clear. It would be to me at least. NSFB would be much more confusing to me. The music idea wouldn’t be clear enough to me either. If you only comment in the description with no notation next to the title I could miss it because I may not read through the whole description if I’m short on time. Could you combine two ideas and put (potential trigger) or just the asterisk and then also comment further in the longer description ?
    Those are my personal thoughts. Hoping between mine and others comments, you get some clarity but again, just the fact that you are concerned about this and will make some notation will be such a sensitive thoughtful approach I know God will honor your end decision:)
    We all thank you for your care for us!

    1. Post

      Hey Suzanne, I’ve thought a lot about you since our call. Thank you for your confirmation. I like your idea about combining two ideas.

  6. That is a tough one for you. I am not sure. But I agree “safe” is easy but maybe at the front of each podcast you verbally say “this is a safe podcast for betrayed spouses as best as we know.” ( I don’t know that something you say will not trigger someone at some point and you can’t guarantee it.)

    1. Post

      Hey friend, It’s good to see your name out here. I think of you often! And I think you’re right, anything I say could trigger someone at some point. I wish there were guarantees, but I can only do my best : ) I like your suggestions, too!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.