Becoming the Man I Wanted To Marry

I saw a quote by Gloria Steinem:

“Some of us are becoming

the men we wanted to marry.”

It was so unexpected I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. But when I quieted down, I realized I’d done that very thing for a long time.

I thought I was the only woman who felt this way, but then I heard others say the same thing: “I took on his duties, and I did them so well I felt like I could be a better man than him.”

I remember getting so frustrated with my husband, in all his manliness, and thinking, “I could probably be a better man than you.” I never said this out loud. I never wanted to, but…

He felt it anyway.

He felt it in my side comments. He felt it when I rolled my eyes. He felt it when I rejected his assistance. He felt me saying, “I don’t need you. I don’t need you at all.”

Of course there’s more to the story: I certainly didn’t feel like a desired woman around him.  Lots of things had to be fixed before I could let my guard down around him.

But I write about it here because it was one of the pieces I needed to fix if we were going to make it long-term.

Plus, I wanted to feel like a woman around him again, and he wanted a feminine woman in his life—his porn use made that obvious. My trying to wear the pants in the family was tiring, and I needed someone I could depend on.

The only way for me to depend on him (after we started healing) was to take a leap of faith and actually depend on him as the man in the relationship. It wasn’t easy. It felt scary. But after doing so, our relationship was happier and healthier.

And I could finally see he really had become the man I always wanted to marry.