“Does This Mean I’m Gay?”

This is for the ladies whose guys are wondering if they are gay or not. We were writing back and forth with a man who was really struggling with thinking he was gay.  He really didn’t think he was, but not because of a religious background.  He’d just never had an attraction to guys, but some things had happened recently to make him wonder.  I can’t go into specifics of his story here, but I will give my response:

This is how it was explained to me.  There are a few factors involved:

  • Porn rarely satisfies.
  • Things we think are taboo excite in similar ways.
  • You were already excited.


There are chemicals that are produced when a man orgasms. The ones I am talking about are oxytocin and testosterone. When a man makes love to a woman he loves, more oxytocin is released which lowers his testosterone and he is satisfied. When a man doesn’t love a woman or when he masturbates to images of women he doesn’t care about, less oxytocin is released and he remains unsatisfied because his testosterone remains high.

During your porn use, your testosterone remained high and you were never satisfied. The whole time you were also exposed to images of men, and at first you probably weren’t into them, they may even have been “taboo.”


Things that are taboo to us also affect our brains the same way as things we are attracted to. Even the same feelings run through the body when we’re attracted to something as when we’re tempted to look at something we feel should be off limits or tasteless.  

Think back to when you’ve seen a car wreck: you wanted to see what happened even if you risked seeing a bloody, disgusting mess.

The things that should be off limits hold the promise that it may be able to satisfy more than the material you’re currently using. THe mind reasons, “If that doesn’t do it anymore, maybe this off-limits stuff will.”

Anyway, these taboo images struck that same place in your brain and feel the same way in your body.


And because you were already sexually excited, then you saw images of men. Then you reasoned, “Because I am aroused, HE must be why I am excited. Does this mean I’m gay?” and the brain forgets that you were already aroused.

This is very different than what happens in people who feel they are gay from birth.

So, in summary: You’re probably feeling attracted to handsome guys because your brain is used to being in high-attraction mode through the attraction to porn, where you also see a lot of attractive guys.  Only time will tell if you are truly gay or not, but stay on the path of getting free from porn and you’ll be able to determine the answer more clearly.    

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