Ever Since He Quit Porn…

Someone asked:  “What has life been like since he quit porn?”  Here’s how I answered:

Since my husband has quit porn I can say this:

  • He’s happier—much happier.
    • Much less grumpy.
    • I no longer fear he’s becoming more of a grumpy-old-man.
  • He’s actually living a life he can be proud of.
  • He’s got a healthy self-esteem.
    • Before, he covered his shame with an arrogance others found unpleasant.
    • Now others love to be around him because he’s a great guy.
    • This is probably because his relationship with God is much stronger.
  • I love being around him now.
    • I know he’s made me his one-and-only.
    • We go on little adventures all the time.
    • We keep secrets from the world instead of from each other now.

In short, I really like who he’s become since quitting porn.

Comments 7

  1. Praying for each of you, though these comments were left over a year ago. My husband is not using porn, for maybe just over two years. He counts another thing as his ‘ sobriety date,’ but I don’t. We are together 35 years, 34 married. I never knew his secret until May of 2015. We had been in counseling for the prior 20 years, with no results, because he refused to share that he was doing anything. It was all my fault if I was unhappy ( and he felt, unstable).
    Since I found out, we have changed counselors ( because ours fired him twice for his arrogance and uncooperativeness). He has a counselor, I have a counselor. No marriage counseling. We are speaking with Jay and Lori Pyatt, which is helping my husband finally be honest with himself. He also had 9 Brain Wave Optimization treatments, to balance his brain ( seriously). As Jay and his counselor kept encouraging him to find a group of men with similar issues to share with honestly, we finally got started on Celebrate Recovery. We are fresh on that road, but my husband is planning to start the ‘Step” program next month. That takes about a year. We have been separated for about 4 months, and we are trying to find our way back to each other.
    Porn is a terror. We didn’t deserve this treatment. But, God is greater than all of this. I agree that Heaven will be more than we can imagine, I refused to continue to live in a way that God would not want for his daughter here on this earth. I Pray for each of you, us, as we find our way to trust in God’s promises that we will be okay.

  2. He quit a year ago after a lifetime. We struggled with this for 41 years of marriage. Initially he brought me into it but it was so repulsive. After our children came he learned how to hide it but I always knew… a change in his attitude towards me. But he refuses to admit it to anyone and steadfastly refuses to acknowledge that it has any effect on me, our relationship or our marriage. Since quitting he has become impotent and has no desire to pursue relations with me. He has forbidden me to talk to anyone about it. So. The secrets continue.
    I don’t know where the line is of Christian submission or just praying for God to break through his walls of shame and guilt. Any discussion leaves me in the wrong. I don’t want to destroy his reputation as he is in a high position in our church.

  3. He quit two years ago with only one relapse. But that’s the extent of it.
    After 40 years of marriage, battling his porn every step of the way, he is ‘free.’
    But it is still a secret. And he refuses to acknowledge in any way shape or form the damage that it did to him and to me. He is now ‘impotent.’
    “I know there is something physically wrong,” is the excuse proffered to avoid intimacy with me.
    And the avoidance is not just physical intimacy. Emotional and spiritual barriers are monstrous. He even avoids developing friendships, with other Christian men and now I’m discovering even as a couple we can’t develop friendships with other couples.
    I guess heaven will be a better place.

    1. Post
      Author

      Hello Joyless,

      I just got finished writing this in another response: The porn is one thing, the hidden life is another, but those things aren’t so bad as the women can usually stay with a guy afterward.

      But what wrecks women is all the fallout afterward–especially ‘refusing to acknowledge… the damage that it did’ to you and the relationship.

      It’s the worst, so I am very sorry you’re going through this.

      And, “YES!” heaven will be a better place, but watch where you go with that thinking. ***IF you begin having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 ***

      Porn doesn’t deserve your future joy and it certainly doesn’t deserve your life!

  4. My husband is 7 weeks open free and going through the Celebration Recovery program.
    However, he is still having an affair. He says he can’t work on our marriage until he gets straight with God and get porn free.
    How am I suppose to deal with that?

    1. Post
      Author

      Continue to do the ‘next best thing’ for yourself. Continue in your counseling. Continue to depend on your support network. Continue praying and crying out to God. Then, without lots of support, the best thing you can do is wait on God to move. I’ll be praying for you, Darlin.

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