Giving Yourself this Gift

If you haven’t already done so this Holiday Season, I’m hoping you give this gift to yourself: The Gift of Reaching Out.

When recovering from the trauma of betrayal, it’s almost critical that you find help, but it’s best tobe careful this will look different for different people.


New To It

Some have never told their story to anyone. If that’s the case find people who have been there before to share with.

I used to say find someone who looks safe in your church or social circle, but this doesn’t always pan out. It’s more helpful to talk with someone safe who’s also been through betrayal.

Whoever you reach out to, as long as you continue to feel safe in their presence, communicate with them as needed. If that begins to change, it’s possible you may have to move on.


Afraid of It

Maybe sharing your story face-to-face sounds too frightening. That’s completely understandable given all you’ve been through.

If that’s the case, find an anonymous online group to share your story. There are many low- or no-cost communities for women who’ve been betrayed.

Keep in mind, however, that all sorts of people join online groups, (especially if they’re free and not closely monitored) and some members will misunderstand or try to fix you instead of just hear you. So be prepared to take the supportive responses and leave the rest.


Harmed By It Before

Or maybe you’ve already reached out and it’s harmed you. You might have felt pressured or shamed by others.

If that’s the case, realize there are whole sections of society who are better informed and will handle you with more sensitivity.

And also remember you were on a healthy path because it was a healthy step to reach out. It’s just a matter of finding safer people to reach out to.


Too Harmed By It Before

If you’ve been very harmed when reaching out, and it’s too early to try again, it may look like turning to online resources, such as videos or blogs. Even though you’re not interacting with someone else, this still qualifies as reaching out.

If this is the route you choose, however, be sure to take breaks. Betrayal pain can be so great a woman can go into overdrive trying to fix the problem (like I did). This can create a strong case of ADD (like I had.)

I found that limiting my research time each week helped me regain my ability to stay focused—and I was actually able to retain more of what I learned, so it was like I gained time instead of losing it, even though I was researching two hours a day instead of eighteen.


Too Exhausted By It

If you’ve already done so much reaching out that you’re now exhausted, it’s the perfect time to step away from the problem and rest.

Even Einstein took breaks, but he did so because he knew giving his brain a break would cause new insights and solutions to come to mind.   So even if you’re not actively helping your situation, you’ll be greatly helping your situation by taking a season of rest. Later, when you’re more energized, you can pick back up where you started.

Or you may even be ready to take action on what you’ve already learned.


The Gift

Overall, there are several ways you can seek help. The gift lies in reaching out and doing it in a way that feels safe and natural to you.

And wherever you are in your healing journey, I’d be honored to hear your story: lori{at}pornpainhealed{dot}com


I hope this helps.


Comments 3

    1. Post

      Hello Shasee,
      Thank you so much for writing to me. I believe I responded to your email a while back, so please check your junk/spam folders for my reply. I hope to hear back from you soon.
      Take care,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.