Level the Playing Field? No. (Other men)

I’ve heard women nowadays are more apt to develop their own porn involvement.  In certain situations, I wouldn’t blame them.   I wouldn’t suggest it, but I also wouldn’t blame them.

I didn’t feel led to do this.  In fact, I did the opposite.

If I felt any attraction lingering for more than a moment or two, I would bring it up with my husband or a close friend.  I didn’t want to invite another mess between us.  Plus, I’d always found exposing these sorts of things was the quickest way to keep them from gaining traction.

I wish I could say I was just that good a person, but I have to be honest: part of it was an effort to bargain for my husband’s faithfulness, and part of it was I simply didn’t need the freaking distraction.

Early in our marriage, when a guy would show interest in me, I would be offended, “How dare you try to rip us apart!”  But when we were being ripped apart by other things, I became too tired to even think about taking on a secret lover.

And not that I wasn’t tempted.  At one point, the distance between us was so great other men started looking like an option.  But still, I kept my head on straight and asked my friends to hold me accountable.


I didn’t get even by looking into other men because I didn’t want to empower the negativity between us.

I would never have a more committed relationship

by becoming less committed.

Plus, how could I have him understand how much

he’d offended me If I was okay with offending him the same way?

So I never tried to level the playing field this way.  And I have to admit, I am glad I don’t have those regrets.

Next time, I’ll go into how I did level the playing field.