I hate to be a downer, but realistically some marriages won’t find their way out of this mess. It’s been said that 50% of all divorces cite his porn habit as the reason for the split. That’s over 25% of all first marriages.
I think this is because, when it comes to this issue, there are some people who don’t want to (or can’t) do the hard work that healthy relating requires. I heard one counselor tell the story of a husband and wife who went to lots of therapy, only to split up afterward: “You can give a person tools,” she said, “but you can’t make them use them.”
I’ve talked to some women in this boat. One woman in particular comes to mind. His porn use was tearing her apart, but she was willing to work through it with him. She wanted to see a counselor, and at first he went, but then he quit talking during the sessions.
Then he quit going to the sessions.
Then he quit talking to her.
She doesn’t know what to do anymore.
If this sounds familiar, let me first say it makes me sad that you’re going through this. I was there for years, and my heart aches for you!
Second, let me say, “Stick around. I have tools that can help you too. It’s not written in stone that your marriage won’t make it, and I can show you how to how to keep it from destroying you…
and when you start living again,
he just might take notice again.”