The Exact Moment Things Will Change For You

I’ve heard from a lot of women over the years.  Sometimes they ask this question, and sometimes I hear it in their sobs:

“When will this get better?”

When it comes to people stuck in addiction, I’ve seen it often enough over the last 20+ years that I can tell them the exact moment things will change.


How I End My Story

I share my story with different groups, and I usually end it with something like this:

Before I end my story, I’d like to speak to just the men…

Guys, if you tell her you’ll quit porn then go back to it, you’ll be injuring her more than you realize. And while porn can have a powerful hold on you, there are literally hundreds of things you can do about it.

If you’re not ready to face it yet, that’s fine, but you have to understand, this problem won’t go away on it’s own.


I Continue Talking to the Men:

I heard a saying long ago,


doesn’t happen

until it gets

painful enough

so for some of you, it may need to be more painful.

But please be careful with this, because the person that feels the most pain will be your partner.

To her it appears you’re off having a good time with other women (even though you and I both know you’re in pain too.)

Also know that when couples wait this long, women are usually in so much pain they think their only option is to leave.

There are hundreds of things you can do about all this, so don’t wait until she’s in that much pain.

By then it may be too late.


Then I Speak to the Partners:

Ladies, your guy’s porn habit can lead you to life, or it can just bring you death. I spent too many years depressed, lonely and frustrated, and I hope you choose something different for your own lives.


I Continue:

To both the guys and gals, as mentors my husband and I guide the individual and the couple to a bigger life and a better relationship.

But let’s be real, mentoring won’t be a good fit for everyone, and because that’s true I’ll leave you with the best advice I can give…

If support groups don’t help, see a therapist trained in this issue. If therapists don’t help, find something that does help. Whatever you do, do not stop looking for quality solutions!

If you never stop looking, you’ll eventually find tools to help you recover.


Then I Finish:

Again guys, I hope you don’t wait until she’s in so much pain she feels her only option is to leave (and ladies I hope you don’t wait that long either), because there are other options… ones that can actually help both you and your relationship heal.

There is hope—lots of hope—but in the end it’s your choice: do something now, or wait until it’s just that painful.

Comments 2

  1. Nov 12, 2016 my dream marriage shattered. I found out my husband had a physical affair with his first wife, twice in a 2 wk period. As well as admitting addiction to porn since childhood.
    In Dec. he started Celebration Recovery 12 Step program for addicts. Even through this he is continuing an emotional affair with her. He’s convinced that our marriage is not valid in God’s eyes and that he feels he should go back and fix his first marriage. History- he and I had an affair while he was married. He left her and his children 14, 17 & 20yrs old to be with me. We have been married 8yrs last Dec.
    I feel lost on how to deal with my feelings. I am seeing a Therapy intern which has helped me spiritually but trained in the area.
    I have been looking for help in how I am supposed to deal with my hurt, betrayal, anger, anxiety, irritability, worthlessness, and Donna y other emotions.

    1. Post

      Hello Darlin, I am so sorry you’re going through this… no matter what your history has in it, it’s still difficult. Is he still in the house with you? Either way, I will pray that God gets through to him.

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