I am on the road, returning from a summit on porn and it’s pervasiveness in the church.
There was a repeated theme throughout: The church has re-injured partners of porn users. I met many women over the years to whom this had happened. And this weekend I met many more. I was glad I could connect with them.
I am sure the church had good intentions or maybe they just didn’t know what to say, nevertheless it was confirmed over and over again by several sources:
the church has proven unsafe for women of porn users.
Another common theme was how little help there was in the church for partners of sex addicts. I said, “If there is very little for those inside the church, there is hardly anything for those outside the church. The church may harm the women while trying to be understanding, but society normally harms women outside by saying, ‘It’s just porn! Get over it!'”
There’s even dynamic that happens with some therapists. The woman turns to them because she trusts them, and they tell her that she’s to blame in some way because she a co-addict or co-dependent. I’m not sure how often it happens, but it happens often enough that there’s a term for it, “Treatment Induced Trauma.”
So here you are: you just found out you can’t trust your husband, the one you were supposed to trust the most. Then you turn to the church or to therapists or to your close friends because you trusted them, and you’re blamed or shamed or told you don’t have enough faith.
You are the woman I’m here to help:
along with others for whom the church and
society are unsafe.
Not all people will treat you this way. I met a few very kind people at that summit. And the others? Well, the message is just starting to spread about changing their tune when it comes to your pain.
I pray they heed that message.