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‘I thought intimacy was just sex—until I started recovering from porn addiction.’ In this video, Jay shares how ONE POWERFUL TOOL helped him heal our relationship, create real intimacy, and start feeling connected in a way he ‘didn’t think was possible’ when healing from his porn addiction. We also bring up a caution or two, providing guidance on how to implement this tool depending on where you are in your own healing journey.
Whether you’re early in your journey or years into recovery, this tool might help you bridge the distance, reconnect with your spouse, and build a deeper relationship.
What we’ll cover:
• How porn addiction can affect intimacy
• How real intimacy is built during relationship healing
• THE TOOL that helped us shift everything

➤ Subscribe for more honest conversations around addiction, recovery, and emotional healing.
➤ Leave a comment: What has intimacy looked like for you in recovery?

00:00 Intro and Question
00:19 Jay’s Answer
00:30 Introducing the tool
04:21 F: Feeling
04:38 A: Acknowledge
04:58 N: Need
05:48 O: Ownership
06:29 S: Sober
06:56 Hook
07:53 Hint for addicts trying to rebuilt trust
08:40 Hook
09:25 IMPORTANT: If it’s early in the process of rebuilting trust
11:41 A Warning
13:03 A way to date early on (before Phase 3)

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To Rebuild Trust – https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma – https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction – https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks (“Tip Jar”) – https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

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Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck–whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship–this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
#PornAddictionRecovery
#IntimacyAfterPorn
#RewiringTheBrain
#MenAndIntimacy
#SobrietyJourney

In this episode of the Couple Cure Podcast, we dive into the complexities of intimacy (OUTSIDE the bedroom) when Jay was in active addiction, the challenges of seeking validation, and the impact of hidden lives on self-worth. Through personal stories, we discuss the hardships faced due to perceived inadequacies, and how addiction can distort the perception of love and intimacy. We also set the stage for further exploration of what true intimacy means as they heal together in future episodes.

00:00 Intro and Question
01:24 For Jay intimacy looked like (The Problem)
02:15 What Jay was seeking
02:50 How Lori was already giving it
05:01 The REAL reason “Lori didn’t affirm me!”
06:09 Why Jay could not believe Lori’s words
10:55 Some MESSED UP THINKING
17:19 Another “Intimacy” Jay was addicted to

—

To Rebuild Trust – https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma – https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction – https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks (“Tip Jar”) – https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

—
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck–whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship–this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this episode, I ask Jay if he will answer some difficult question this season—questions like:
–What are some tactics he used to get away with lying for so long?
–How did he pretend to change–without really changing?
–Was there a time he almost told the truth, but continued lying instead?
–What emotions was he avoiding?
–How did he feel when his accountability partners let him off the hook?
–What is one thing he wants betrayed women to know?
–Could he tell his heart was hardening?

But the big question is: Will he reveal his secrets? (You can even leave your own questions in the comments if you’d like.)

Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:24 Some hard questions for Jay
04:40 Will Jay share his secrets this season?
05:43 Your comments / questions
06:51 This season may be different (behind the scenes)
07:24 A request & recent happenings

—

To Rebuild Trust – https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma – https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction – https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks (“Tip Jar”) – https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

—
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck–whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship–this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
#tellingthetruth

*TW Below
You’ve seen how we met, how God led us, and how we survived the darkest years of our marriage. In this final part of our story, we share why people — including pastors, doctors and counselors — trust us to walk with them through recovery, healing, and rebuilding intimacy. Our training, our personal research, and years of real-life experience come together to offer you hope that change is possible. We hope you enjoy this final video in this special series.

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
1:22 Wedding pictures from 24 years ago (& our research)
1:58 Over 20years of finding what works and what doesn’t (our tools)
2:36 Successful with clients (a study on the success rates of other programs)
4:22 Because we’ve been there… and we do things differently
6:42 If doctors, lawyers, pastors, therapists trust our program…
7:54 Translating the wife’s pain to husband (our training)
8:54 What our earliest goal was (see episode 1.0)
9:55 Resources that can help
10:56 Final words

*TRIGGER WARNING: While we don’t say anything that would trigger most people in this episode, if images of two people in love (or fighting) could feel hurtful, please consider listening without watching the video.

Music by: Prem_Adhikary

—

To Rebuild Trust – https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma – https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction – https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks (“Tip Jar”) – https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

—
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck–whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship–this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

*TW Below*
Here is a longer version on our darkest times, as well as how we turned it around. While it’s a hard story to hear at times, we hope this gives you some encouragement.

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
1:03 Jay’s hidden life
7:14 The impact it had on Lori… and what she did
12:45 How this recording affected Lori
13:15 He hasn’t had an affair, but…
13:51 Whether prostitutes or “just” porn… and even bigger issues

*TRIGGER WARNING: While we don’t say anything that would trigger most people in this episode, if images of two people in love (or fighting) could feel hurtful, please consider listening without watching the video.

—

To Rebuild Trust – https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma – https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction – https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks (“Tip Jar”) – https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

—

MUSIC CREDITS:
“Almost in F” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

—

Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck–whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship–this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

There were four critical moments where God showed up in very surprising and very clear ways… and we needed those signs from God to get us through all the hard times we’d encounter later. We hope you enjoy listening to the spiritual side of our journey. At the end, we even give you something you can do in your own life.

Timestamps:
00:00 Intro and background information
01:03 I met Jay after an intense season with God
01:42 The first sign: Adoption
02:30 The second sign: Found our names in the Bible
05:59 Other signs: Help marriages (the confirmations were critical)
07:15 The one moment that caused all of this
08:19 The third sign: I lost the engagement ring
10:50 The forth sign: He got fired the next day
13:50 Why this video (a hint for your marriage)

—

To Rebuild Trust – https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma – https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction – https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks (“Tip Jar”) – https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

—
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck–whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship–this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

*TW Below* Join us as we share the amusing story of how we first met. From slightly offensive office interactions to “you have five cats?!” discover how Jay, a tech-savvy, socially awkward guy and Lori, a determined lady, didn’t like each other at first, but eventually tied the knot. Tune in for relatable laughs and insights into our path to love.

Side Note: Please excuse the differences between this and our usual videos. This was recorded when we were first starting out {and hadn’t even settled the a name yet,} and is being released as a special series so you can get to know us better.
*TRIGGER WARNING: While we don’t say anything that would trigger most people in this episode, if images of two people in love could feel hurtful, please consider listening without watching the video.*

This video explains what to expect in this Special Season, as well as in Season 6.

—

To Rebuild Trust – https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma – https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Addiction – https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/
To Say Thanks (“Tip Jar”) – https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

—
Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck–whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship–this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
#newseason

In this, our last episode of Season 5, we address six ways to help you find out if you’ve been given the full truth / signs he might still be lying. We also cover what pressure can do to some addicts.
(A big THANK YOU to everyone who submitted questions for this season. Thank you, especially, for allowing us to be a small part of your healing journey.)

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro and Viewer Question
1:05 It depends on what you’re looking for
2:21 General & ACTIVE self-deception
3:32 First: Ask for details/specifics
4:07 Second: Addicts, get curious about your own thoughts and actions
4:52 Third: Did he circle back
5:11 Forth: On staying concrete
6:49 Forth: LDTs (with some cautions and side notes)
9:26 An overall caution: this makes some addicts neurotic
10:21 Opening the door for more later (“I now know enough…”)
11:44 Five: Ask what he suggests
13:39 Solution: If she can’t trust you 100 percent*
14:15 Six: Things Jay learned that really helped
15:30 Something special before next season

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this episode of The Couple Cure, Jay tackles the question: ‘How serious do I need to be about my recovery?’ Using his own history and insights, he discusses the inevitable challenges and pushbacks you will face when you commit to a change, especially in the context of addiction or betrayal recovery. He emphasizes the importance of STARTING IMMEDIATELY, and understanding that obstacles will always be present. He also highlights the crucial role of certain life adjustments to stay on the path to recovery. Tune in to gain practical advice and encouragement for your own recovery journey.

00:00 Introduction & Question
00:06 Life always asks, “How serious are you?” (the first week of my diet)
01:22 The best time to quit is ALWAYS… and why
02:14 Solutions: Examples of being serious about it (for the betrayed spouse) *
03:55 The family life status quo (& other hurdles)
05:48 What needs to change?
06:29 More harm to your relationship / Expect hurdles
07:36 So how serious do you really need to be?
09:15 Solution: How to help her heal (a HUGE part of your recovery) *
10:26 If I am truly serious & final thoughts

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

Summary: Rebuilding Trust through Tangible Evidence of Change after Lies

In this episode, we respond to a wife’s question about the importance of seeing tangible evidence in her husband’s growth process. We discuss the importance of PROACTIVE steps in behavior change, and share our own personal story after Jay had lied over 1000 times. The episode explores various ways to rebuild trust, like taking notes during counseling sessions and talking about that with the wife. It also includes several Biblical perspectives on the importance of bearing fruit as evidence of genuine repentance and change.

00:00 Intro & Question
00:35 Solution: A quick way to explain it to him*
01:07 How Jay explains it to clients / Solution: Different ways he rebuilt trust*
02:14 Marriage Counselor said, “If you had a crystal ball”
02:46 Evidence of true heart change (Saul to Paul)
03:25 On being like Thomas Edison
04:38 She will tell you… over time / Jay was too smart for his own good
05:34 Take Notes / How not doing so can impact wives
07:39 Solution: What to look for*
09:47 Why Counselors won’t share his progress (& one option)
11:48 Bible says it’s okay to want evidence (examples)

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this episode, recorded on New Year’s Eve, we discuss the importance of having a solid plan to ensure your new year is better than the last. We delve into specific steps for making effective New Year’s resolutions and highlight the significance of focus and new behaviors in achieving different outcomes. The episode offers guidance for addicts and their partners on formulating plans that go beyond mere intentions, and include practical action steps for accountability and sustained change.

Timestamps
00:21 New Year, New You? (not without a different plan)
01:28 For the addict (look yourself in the eye)
02:01 Try a different January
02:49 Ask yourself these questions
03:31 If the answer is “No”
04:51 A FIRST STEP (a DIFFERENT starting point)*
05:23 The Critical SECOND STEP*
07:45 For the partner
08:10 The THIRD STEP
08:36 The FORTH STEP (Solution: times and tribes)*
10:25 Multi-plans
11:11 Solution: The CSI Investigation
13:23 Solution: Arrange to pay your enemy
14:20 If you still don’t reach your goals

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

In this episode, we explore how addicts truly change by focusing on the impact of experiencing true pain and loss. Divided into two parts—one for non-Christians and the other for Christians—we discuss the significance of giving up power, inspired by scripture, to become truly healed and dependent on God. With references to personal anecdotes, men’s magazines, 12-step programs, and the idea of renouncing ‘boss’ culture, the script emphasizes humility, acceptance of weakness, and the power of community support in the journey of recovery. The transformation journey includes practical examples and scripture, highlighting the importance of growth and moving beyond survival mechanisms to achieve true healing and integration into healthy, supportive communities.

00:00 Intro
00:43 The first way addicts change
01:21 Something else that can help
01:36 Majestic splendor
03:11 The power-over dynamic (helpless? dependent?)
04:34 What it might look like
04:59 Be the boss?
06:24 Solution regarding addictive thinking (what it looks like in practical terms)
07:47 Why the power-over dynamic might come up
08:55 Outgrowing it
09:46 Objections (but who is stronger?)
11:22 Solution: You’re on land now (returning from the war)

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice

***Trigger Warning for Alcoholics in Recovery***
In this episode, Jay addresses a common question addicts may have, along the lines of, “Will I have to pay for this forever?” He answers with the truth: After trust is broken by betrayal, it depends on how well the addict owns his part in her pain… and tries to aid in her recovery.

0:00 Introduction
0:21 Other forms of this question and initial answer
0:46 She doesn’t limp (a real life example)
2:00 Jay’s words to wives
3:01 Solutions for addicts* (Note: we don’t condone hitting)
4:56 Add something to your program (the quickest way)*
6:14 Another word picture (The ICU)
7:19 Things she might say to you (any indication you’re not safe)
8:46 Why birthdays and anniversaries may be hard for her
9:40 Can she forget this? Can she move forward?

—

https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay and Lori’s website
https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ – Lori’s site for betrayed partners
https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ – Jay’s site for porn addiction recovery

#betrayal
#relationships
#pornaddiction
#marriageadvice
#marriagerecovery