The Big Libido

I’m sure you’ve heard them: comments by men saying their libidos are so high they ‘have to use porn.’

I used to understand this reasoning, but now I wonder if it’s true.



I’ve heard some women say this was happening in their relationships—where the guy said he used porn because his sex drive was so much higher than hers.

Some women seemed sad or guilt-ridden about it. They said, “I hate that he has to turn to porn.  But with three kids and a job, I’m just exhausted!  I should be better at meeting his needs.”

Some women seemed somewhat relieved.  They said, “I don’t want to go near that man.  At least he has websites to turn to.”  But when we talked further, they still didn’t like him using porn.

Some women admitted they were getting back at him.  They said,  “He uses porn so I use romance novels.”  But when we talked further, they were sad about their predicament.

What about you?  Is this happening in your relationship?



For a long time I didn’t know how to respond to these women.  I could only say, “Wow, I don’t know what I would do in that situation.  I wish I knew what to say.”

But during our healing years, I took a closer look at the statement:

Some men say they ‘have’ to use porn because their libidos are so high.

But if their libidos were so high, why do they need porn?

If their libidos were so high, wouldn’t they be able to get off without it?

In fact, if they need porn to get off, wouldn’t that mean their libidos were actually low?

Hmmm…  makes you wonder.