You Have to Have a Vision

In my free guide, “7 Tools Women Rarely Find… or Use,” I discuss having a vision and a plan for achieving that vision.  But here, I just want to cover the writing of a vision.

I feel it’s important to include because I’ve met so many women who are shut-down and numb because of his porn habit. But it’s critical. Had I known a vision was so important before I got married, here’s what I would have written:

My Five-Year Vision for Marriage

I will meet a great guy, and we will create an awesome marriage, one where we are more in love with each passing year. We will wake up and snuggle in bed on a regular basis. Our dates will be adventurous and romantic.

And on cold nights we’ll drink hot cocoa as we read by the fire, looking up now and then just to gaze at each other.

At parties, our eyes will meet from across the room, and we’ll leave early to go home and have fantastic sex.

And we’ll travel. We’ll rent a remote bungalow above the crashing crystal-blue waves, we’ll sample fresh, creamy pasta in Italy, and have picnics on the emerald-green cliffs by the Irish Sea, breathing in the salty air.

Now, we’ll also have to balance all that with saving for retirement, so we’ll work on that too.

And I will completely trust my husband. I will be his, and he will be mine… everyone else will fade away.

Yup, that’s my five-year plan–ten years, max!

The thing I want you to notice is that it taps into all the senses.  I am not sure why the experts tell us to do this, all I know is that it helps.  And while I highly recommend writing it out, just thinking of it often is also very helpful.

I definitely believe in this.  Why?  Because, as the ancient saying goes, without a vision you’ll perish.  But I also believe it because, in the vision written above, all but two of the scenarios have happened.  But it’s not just the vision above.  Because our love is real, even greater things have happened.


So what’s your vision?  Contact me here.  I’d love to hear it! NOTE: it is often difficult for partners of porn users to dream like this.  Usually they just want the pain to stop. The choice is yours, but I want to take you beyond “No pain, still numb,” to “My life is better than I ever imagined!”

Comments 1

  1. I think my husband is an incurable romantic. He fantasizes about being with a woman, sometimes me. He always has and when he sees a romantic film he gets turned on. I think it is dangerous. Dont get me wrong I love dreaming and being romantic, and watching those movies too, in my head but in life I have to be pragmatic esp when he isn’t. I think he longs for romance and for a girl that is too or that will love him no matter what he does. After he has seen a romantic movie by himself bc I’m away he looks at porn I have found out. What is dangerous is that when life isn’t like that, you feel even worse than if you hadn’t dreamt. My husband looks like he longs for and romanticizes about every woman he sees probably bc he cant find it with me.

    Here’s my Vision for marriage.
    I will marry a kind guy who understands my quirkiness and philosophies and loves me all the more for it. We will love dreaming together about how our house will be, working together on creative projects, and travelling and exploring together. We will agree and be excited about our mutual ideas.
    We will enjoy and laugh and tease each other in bed and plan our day. We will have eyes only for each other and enjoy and appreciate each other’s company and thoughts. There will be no other people to compete with for attention or favour bc we will share complete understanding.
    Our children with admire us and want to spend time with us to talk and share our plans and dreams. We will travel many places and feel safe bc of our love for each other even after retirement.

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