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“It wasn’t that she was shaming me. It was that she was hurting. She was in pain.”
In this video:
– THE SHAME RAINCOAT: why he can’t hear anything you bring to him
– “SHE HAD TO RESCUE ME”: how your pain turns into comforting him
– “I FAILED HERE” vs. “I’M A FAILURE”: the difference that makes repair possible
– HUMILITY: the only path through shame for him
If you’ve brought him your pain and ended up comforting him instead, this one’s for you.
Part of The Couple Cure. Companion episode on Storm Ready Men, for him.
Timestamps:
0:00 He said he would change
0:19 Failures in the world vs. commitments to you
0:45 House, car, loans: not measuring up
1:33 Why he can’t hear your pain
1:50 I lied to Lori a thousand times
2:00 She wasn’t shaming me. She was hurting.
2:32 I made her console me
2:43 Her pain went unheard
3:01 ⭐ The lie she could have survived
3:27 You came for repair. Now you manage him.
3:59 Like pride, everything points back at him
4:20 When shame turns defensive
4:50 She had to rescue me
5:29 Another abandonment
6:07 “Stop shaming your husband”
6:44 “I failed here” vs. “I’m a failure”
6:58 It was easy to lie
7:28 A relationship with his own shame
7:44 What repair should sound like
7:58 A black hole of self-pity
8:41 Pride and shame: two sides of one coin
9:21 Humility is the antidote
9:41 What Lori needed to hear from me
10:25 Find people who say “wow, that sucks”
—
Next Steps & Resources:
• Explore the C.U.R.E. Method: https://thecouplecure.com
• Join Storm Ready Men: https://stormreadymen.com
• The Basics of Rebuilding Trust: https://jayandloripyatt.gumroad.com/l/LzMJm
• New to the Channel? Start with our 5 seasons of foundational content here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLitabWxO9iDI1-ByymvBpwaiTB0sozSjL
We want to hear from you—how can we best support you in this new season? Let us know in the comments.
To Say Thanks (“Tip Jar”) – https://buy.stripe.com/28EfZh4vJ4yQbbwg6i57W02
— Who is This Channel For? If your marriage has been impacted by addiction — whether you’re the one struggling or the one carrying the pain — this channel is for you. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s compulsive pornography use. We found a way through it. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we help couples find the peace, trust, and connection they’re looking for.
#TheCoupleCure #BetrayalTrauma #MarriageAdvice #Shame
“Southern Gothic” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
ISRC: USUAN2300004