He HAS to be Fearless (Betrayal Pain & Step 4 Cautions) – 3.04S

Withholding information (also known as lying) is common, especially with porn and sex addiction. That’s why this step is crucial to healing, both for the addict, and for the one who’s been lied to and sexually betrayed.

In this episode we cover:
-Step 4 of the 12-Steps
-A searching and fearless moral inventory
-The more addicts do (this), the more freedom they will experience

 

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro to Step 4: Listing where they were out of integrity (and one easier way to do this)
2:54 What to look for in a sponsor/accountability partner***
3:25 Disclosure: how it’s different (it’s done with the betrayed partner’s pain in mind)
5:15 If one sticks out in your head… (Note: When Jay says “no one wants to write a thick book their first time out” he means for Step 4.  Disclosure requires more radical honesty and specifics, while going at the betrayed partner’s speed)***
6:16 Step 4 is one of the steps you do regularly… because “more will be revealed”
7:28 What Lori learned over time about Jay’s honesty… and it’s not “more will be revealed (this way)” 8:49 What destroys trust more than the initial addiction (and Jay’s intention)
10:15 What will be dealt with later
10:50 Fearlessness and the good things it can lead to (“The more I tell my secrets…”)
11:51 Jay’s personal experience
12:41 If you have done something illegal… and if it involves another person
14:55 If you’re trying to remember an event
15:38 “Made” and how to be in the top 20%… so also make a list of… ***
18:23 If the addict doesn’t get real… or if the partner doesn’t want to know the details
20:28 Hopefully the sponsor will be able to tell you this

 

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