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The best way for me to help her see the good person in me was to own the bad person in me.
That’s the hardest thing I learned in recovery, and it’s the whole point of this episode. If you’ve ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells, managing his moods, or watching him be the nicest guy to every stranger while something completely different happens at home, this one’s about what’s actually going on and why your read on it is accurate, not unreasonable.
This episode also covers a real safety concern. If you don’t feel safe, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
Part of The Couple Cure. Companion episode on Storm Ready Men, for him.
thecouplecure.com
Timestamps:
0:00 “The best way to help her see the good person was to own the bad person”
0:05 You’ve done nothing wrong
0:23 It may not be overt, it may be very subtle
1:15 Keeping up the image of the good family
1:24 The nicest guy to every stranger he meets
1:51 What I saw in my own childhood
3:10 The shoes by the front door
3:41 She wasn’t managing his image, she was living inside it
3:49 Life after D-Day, and why it gets worse
4:22 “If you do this, I may relapse”
4:53 When he just walks out of the room
5:21 Why he needed her to see him a certain way
6:04 Getting between her and the door
6:14 Anger, intimidation, withdrawing, and the threat of relapse
7:28 This has a name: gaslighting
8:01 Your confusion is an accurate read
8:55 Owning the bad guy
9:20 The full circle: own the bad to be seen as good
9:34 If this is a safety issue (800-799-7233)
10:14 Why he won’t take ownership of it himself
11:36 The pressure of bracing for one more outburst
11:50 Where to find your own circle of support
12:17 If you need to feel safe right now
12:32 Next: the storm of holidays and family gatherings
—
Next Steps & Resources:
• Explore the C.U.R.E. Method: https://thecouplecure.com
• Join Storm Ready Men: https://stormreadymen.com
• The Basics of Rebuilding Trust: https://jayandloripyatt.gumroad.com/l/LzMJm
• New to the Channel? Start with our 5 seasons of foundational content here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLitabWxO9iDI1-ByymvBpwaiTB0sozSjL
We want to hear from you—how can we best support you in this new season? Let us know in the comments.
To Say Thanks (“Tip Jar”) – https://buy.stripe.com/28EfZh4vJ4yQbbwg6i57W02
— Who is This Channel For? If your marriage has been impacted by addiction — whether you’re the one struggling or the one carrying the pain — this channel is for you. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s compulsive pornography use. We found a way through it. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we help couples find the peace, trust, and connection they’re looking for.
#TheCoupleCure #MarriageHelp #MensMentalHealth #domesticabuseawareness #addictionrecovery
“Southern Gothic” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
ISRC: USUAN2300004